Not many people know how to return a soothing compliment. And then I found this blog. A thank you note everyday to just about anything isn't something anyone does naturally. This author does. Imagine if there was more of us sharing that disposition.
I like this.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, May 3, 2010
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Here's where the story ends (and starts again)
I'd like to believe that there are only two things you can do when you get (emotionally) lost. It's either you pause, think about the right questions, ask them at the right moment, and start taking small strides forward.
Or resume in dwelling on the idea of feeling lost and unloved.
The latter is easy. Feelings don't need gravity to wallow down in self pity and pathetic attention. That's why anyone can do that. It's sickening.
The former however is mature yet very difficult because it requires you to connect deep down. Gravity can be felt at first but once the right moment is felt, it can be understood. This hurts at first but it's necessary.
2009 started unfriendly to most of us - at least to those in the circle I know. And then there were calamities and the death of a former Malacañang leader. But we all managed to rise up.
It's not what we have that make things well, but what we can do to rebuild the only things we have left. Bitterness ends here and now.
Or resume in dwelling on the idea of feeling lost and unloved.
The latter is easy. Feelings don't need gravity to wallow down in self pity and pathetic attention. That's why anyone can do that. It's sickening.
The former however is mature yet very difficult because it requires you to connect deep down. Gravity can be felt at first but once the right moment is felt, it can be understood. This hurts at first but it's necessary.
2009 started unfriendly to most of us - at least to those in the circle I know. And then there were calamities and the death of a former Malacañang leader. But we all managed to rise up.
It's not what we have that make things well, but what we can do to rebuild the only things we have left. Bitterness ends here and now.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Fatherhood and parenting
Before a new skill sinks in, Malcolm Gladwell believes that one must commit to spending at least 10,000 hours of hard work. Seth Godin believes this. Bob Lefsetz believes this.It makes sense so who wouldn't?
In his book "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus", John Grey wrote something about a learning theory at the last page - that new things, ideas, feelings, and whatever else needs to be learned and relearned, requires patient insistence on 200 repetitions before things finally sink in.
We all need a role model to look up to. Someone that guides us in and to the right direction, gives us that spiritual nourishment, knowledge, and more importantly emotional support. We need this most importantly in our younger years.
We all need someone to inspire and lead us in setting the right goals. Someone that can father a cause. Someone that could endure to parent the labor of hopes despite the hurdles that goes with it while growing up. We need those.
Sadly not everyone is privileged with this enlightenment.
And so it becomes this not-everyone's responsibility to relearn what a loving father is. Many times more often, this not-everyone ends up learning it the hardest way... simply because there is no user's manual to guide him through.
In the process, the not-everyone guy takes 200 repetitions. He takes 10,000 hours of hard work to patiently get there. Be aware though that this learning curve is utterly painful.
To those who were blessed with a great loving father, an awesome man that have successfully shown how a mother should be loved and respected, love him back - a hug, a note, a sincere talk, or a compliment of his latest accomplishment. Your loving father deserves that congratulatory feeling of abundance.
To those who haven't gotten there yet, don't give up. Never give up. Your father loves you. He is just wired differently. Be patient. He may have a lot of unresolved issues and he too may have been misguided in his youth. It's not his fault.
If you hated him it's because you do love him.
So take an extra effort on baby steps in spending time to relearn. Show your father that you care. Be his role model. Learn to endure the 200 repetitions and the 10,000 hours. It might even take more than that and many times more often, the results can be frustratingly slow. But don't give up.
Pa... HAPPY FATHER'S DAY :) I LOVE YOU
In his book "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus", John Grey wrote something about a learning theory at the last page - that new things, ideas, feelings, and whatever else needs to be learned and relearned, requires patient insistence on 200 repetitions before things finally sink in.
We all need a role model to look up to. Someone that guides us in and to the right direction, gives us that spiritual nourishment, knowledge, and more importantly emotional support. We need this most importantly in our younger years.
We all need someone to inspire and lead us in setting the right goals. Someone that can father a cause. Someone that could endure to parent the labor of hopes despite the hurdles that goes with it while growing up. We need those.
Sadly not everyone is privileged with this enlightenment.
And so it becomes this not-everyone's responsibility to relearn what a loving father is. Many times more often, this not-everyone ends up learning it the hardest way... simply because there is no user's manual to guide him through.
In the process, the not-everyone guy takes 200 repetitions. He takes 10,000 hours of hard work to patiently get there. Be aware though that this learning curve is utterly painful.
To those who were blessed with a great loving father, an awesome man that have successfully shown how a mother should be loved and respected, love him back - a hug, a note, a sincere talk, or a compliment of his latest accomplishment. Your loving father deserves that congratulatory feeling of abundance.
To those who haven't gotten there yet, don't give up. Never give up. Your father loves you. He is just wired differently. Be patient. He may have a lot of unresolved issues and he too may have been misguided in his youth. It's not his fault.
If you hated him it's because you do love him.
So take an extra effort on baby steps in spending time to relearn. Show your father that you care. Be his role model. Learn to endure the 200 repetitions and the 10,000 hours. It might even take more than that and many times more often, the results can be frustratingly slow. But don't give up.
Pa... HAPPY FATHER'S DAY :) I LOVE YOU
Friday, June 19, 2009
Many times more often
Many times more often we blame people for our mistakes. Even to those we love so much.
Many times more often we forget to listen to what was really being said and instead seem to insist on what we thought was right. Is it because we are simply wired uniquely brought up differently?
Many times more often men tend to "run away" when things become sensitive. They go quiet. I admittedly fall into this crack very often. Speaking as a man, this process is utterly painful.
Many times more often a woman attempts to talk to her man when things get rough - sometimes even literally follows him. At the end of the day, while the intention was to resolve issues and hopefully to get things patched up, they both end up hurting each other. At the end of the week, they end up breaking each other's hearts.
Many times more often a man gets defensive when his woman whom he loves so much start talking about her frustrations. While she craves for her feelings to be validated, her man hears her blaming him. To him, she sounded like she was unprotected and he feels that he is at fault and responsible. Sadly men often not know this and this is again painful.
A man complaining about his woman's requests, I strangely learned, is simply just a sign of love. Men go through a process of deliberately considering the how-to-accomplish-their-woman's-request against his personal need before he delivers. If a woman is persistent and patient enough, his man will oblige and he will be transformed.
While women see their men "running away", it is because he is in a process to fix things on his own. On his own and his own alone.
A man needs space. He needs it badly yet often doesn't know he does or why he does. However it is done, he needs that independence. Unfortunately many times more often, he doesn't know how to ask for it. Or even if he did, many times more often, his woman may view it differently and take it as a rejection. When a man is in a sensitive state he is also at his most vulnerable condition.
There are more misunderstandings and misconstrued signals that happen in a relationship. Many times more often we tag it as complications. Strangely as it may seem however, all the hurtful exchange was not intentional.
It has a lot to do with the people around us, our upbringing, our culture, our personal perspectives, our influences - the people that we look up to as role models. Ultimately the "complications" is simply just about our differences - not just as people but also as man and woman.
And while this is a personal responsibility to keep in mind, our human limitations tempt us to fail. Each of us need to learn how to resist it.
But there is hope.
I know there is hope because no one is to be blamed for anything and each one of us is entitled to make a good change.
We simply need to grow up and learn and grow up and relearn. Many times more often we hurt back the ones we care so much about - particularly at times when we feel hurt. The scary thing is that when this happens, we lose awareness and end up hurting the one we love... again and again and again.
Is this really just part of understanding what love is? So how can this be achieved if we keep on changing partners? How can the need to understand love be attained if we give up many times more often? How can love be understood if companionship is taken as convenience instead of whatever it is supposed to be?
I'm not being a know-it-all. In fact I'm not even close to being credible. I keep on failing and I'm never proud of it.
So why am I sharing this?
Because I am not an exception.
Many times more often we forget to listen to what was really being said and instead seem to insist on what we thought was right. Is it because we are simply wired uniquely brought up differently?
Many times more often men tend to "run away" when things become sensitive. They go quiet. I admittedly fall into this crack very often. Speaking as a man, this process is utterly painful.
Many times more often a woman attempts to talk to her man when things get rough - sometimes even literally follows him. At the end of the day, while the intention was to resolve issues and hopefully to get things patched up, they both end up hurting each other. At the end of the week, they end up breaking each other's hearts.
Many times more often a man gets defensive when his woman whom he loves so much start talking about her frustrations. While she craves for her feelings to be validated, her man hears her blaming him. To him, she sounded like she was unprotected and he feels that he is at fault and responsible. Sadly men often not know this and this is again painful.
A man complaining about his woman's requests, I strangely learned, is simply just a sign of love. Men go through a process of deliberately considering the how-to-accomplish-their-woman's-request against his personal need before he delivers. If a woman is persistent and patient enough, his man will oblige and he will be transformed.
While women see their men "running away", it is because he is in a process to fix things on his own. On his own and his own alone.
A man needs space. He needs it badly yet often doesn't know he does or why he does. However it is done, he needs that independence. Unfortunately many times more often, he doesn't know how to ask for it. Or even if he did, many times more often, his woman may view it differently and take it as a rejection. When a man is in a sensitive state he is also at his most vulnerable condition.
There are more misunderstandings and misconstrued signals that happen in a relationship. Many times more often we tag it as complications. Strangely as it may seem however, all the hurtful exchange was not intentional.
It has a lot to do with the people around us, our upbringing, our culture, our personal perspectives, our influences - the people that we look up to as role models. Ultimately the "complications" is simply just about our differences - not just as people but also as man and woman.
And while this is a personal responsibility to keep in mind, our human limitations tempt us to fail. Each of us need to learn how to resist it.
But there is hope.
I know there is hope because no one is to be blamed for anything and each one of us is entitled to make a good change.
We simply need to grow up and learn and grow up and relearn. Many times more often we hurt back the ones we care so much about - particularly at times when we feel hurt. The scary thing is that when this happens, we lose awareness and end up hurting the one we love... again and again and again.
Is this really just part of understanding what love is? So how can this be achieved if we keep on changing partners? How can the need to understand love be attained if we give up many times more often? How can love be understood if companionship is taken as convenience instead of whatever it is supposed to be?
I'm not being a know-it-all. In fact I'm not even close to being credible. I keep on failing and I'm never proud of it.
So why am I sharing this?
Because I am not an exception.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
My 'Ako Mismo' commitment...
Just a minute ago, I posted my contribution of faith to the Ako Mismo wall of commitments. As of this date, the number of pledges totaled 104,769.
Theoretically, getting in should be the same as getting out. And in the same way as how huge problems turn out to be from neglected micro issues, every good change starts from that too and more importantly from us.
Idealistic and impossible as it may seem to some, good change must happen and must start somewhere. I believe in this movement and I believe that the Philippines, despite its political circus, positive change is not impossible.
Ako mismo... nitu-o nga ang pagla-um sa atong nasud naa sa pagpadayon sa pagbuhat ug maayo ug sakto.
What's your commitment?
Theoretically, getting in should be the same as getting out. And in the same way as how huge problems turn out to be from neglected micro issues, every good change starts from that too and more importantly from us.
Idealistic and impossible as it may seem to some, good change must happen and must start somewhere. I believe in this movement and I believe that the Philippines, despite its political circus, positive change is not impossible.
Ako mismo... nitu-o nga ang pagla-um sa atong nasud naa sa pagpadayon sa pagbuhat ug maayo ug sakto.
What's your commitment?
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Labels build false characters
Prejudice leads to false character building.
Being judged or labeled may be inevitable. And while it happens, the judged eventually become what they were branded for because other people approached them as such.
For example, if we believe that all blonds are dumb, we will most likely talk to them as if they really are idiots. We approach them as such, they respond appropriately, then we respond back, they respond again and then us and then them and so on.
Characters shape up because sometimes we unknowingly look for the character we believe a person is suppose to be, usually based on how we first know or heard of him/her. In our exampe, the process created the "dumb blond" personality.
And if at the first attempt the dumb-blond-theory failed, some may opt to persist and insist. And the cycle goes on. We decide to stop only when the judgement is proven. Unaware that we are simply satisfying an equation that didn't exist.
Hasty conclusions. A self fulfillment prophesy. It's a recurring pattern yet we still fail often at it.
We never learn.
Being judged or labeled may be inevitable. And while it happens, the judged eventually become what they were branded for because other people approached them as such.
For example, if we believe that all blonds are dumb, we will most likely talk to them as if they really are idiots. We approach them as such, they respond appropriately, then we respond back, they respond again and then us and then them and so on.
Characters shape up because sometimes we unknowingly look for the character we believe a person is suppose to be, usually based on how we first know or heard of him/her. In our exampe, the process created the "dumb blond" personality.
And if at the first attempt the dumb-blond-theory failed, some may opt to persist and insist. And the cycle goes on. We decide to stop only when the judgement is proven. Unaware that we are simply satisfying an equation that didn't exist.
Hasty conclusions. A self fulfillment prophesy. It's a recurring pattern yet we still fail often at it.
We never learn.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
A reason to celebrate
Success is always relative.
My definition of success may be this, yours may be that, and his is this, and hers is that.
While it is true that success depends on how much you are willing to work for it, the basic will always be that which is to satisfy a need.
The need to learn. The need to love. The need to eat. The need to write. The need to work. The need to sleep.
Today I felt that my personal need to share my thoughts, feelings, opinions, and everything in between is satisfied as I reached my 100th blog.
Whether it's necessary or not, valuable or not, the important thing is that I have endured. It's not easy but it's fun. I'm proud of it.
It's reason enough for me to celebrate so I had ice cream with my family.
My definition of success may be this, yours may be that, and his is this, and hers is that.
While it is true that success depends on how much you are willing to work for it, the basic will always be that which is to satisfy a need.
The need to learn. The need to love. The need to eat. The need to write. The need to work. The need to sleep.
Today I felt that my personal need to share my thoughts, feelings, opinions, and everything in between is satisfied as I reached my 100th blog.
Whether it's necessary or not, valuable or not, the important thing is that I have endured. It's not easy but it's fun. I'm proud of it.
It's reason enough for me to celebrate so I had ice cream with my family.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
This Thing Called Love : Walking With Another Half
I'm not an expert. Nobody is I guess. Perhaps that explains why most relationships start to complicate as it progresses. Some may succeed. Others don't.
And then some would just simply give up.
How does love work really?
I don't know.
I'm not an expert.
But what I believe, from my level of understanding, is that love happens when two people share each others' halves - literally and otherwise (be creative here).
Imagine yourself cut in half. Your partner too is cut in half. Each half stitched neatly together to the other (I say neatly 'cause I don't intend to make this sound like a Frankenstein affair). Then each is asked to walk with the other half's body parts.
What do you get?
A scenario where both struggle to know how to walk with a new body part. This means that both needs to learn each others' ways of walking through keeping in mind each others' habits good or bad. Learning how each lives in his/her world, thinks with it, and deals with it.
There is always that adjustment period. As to how long it will take probably depends on how much each is willing to learn. Ergo it is also a given that it can fail at any time as much as it can also succeed.
Eventually, if say both are willing to take the challenge and endure the hardships, that other half metaphorically stitched in shall blend and become "you". I suppose that's how it works - conceptually speaking that is.
I think one of the very essence of love is that it requires a passion for learning and relearning. And it never ends.
I speak for myself but I believe many relationships fail because these "many" often view hardships as problems instead of challenges. Many view them as hindrances instead of opportunities to change for the better. They close their mind and consequently close their hearts.
I'm not an expert but I hope I'd share something significant.
Well, this is actually something that I have opined to and for myself within the walls of my little bathroom.
And then some would just simply give up.
How does love work really?
I don't know.
I'm not an expert.
But what I believe, from my level of understanding, is that love happens when two people share each others' halves - literally and otherwise (be creative here).
Imagine yourself cut in half. Your partner too is cut in half. Each half stitched neatly together to the other (I say neatly 'cause I don't intend to make this sound like a Frankenstein affair). Then each is asked to walk with the other half's body parts.
What do you get?
A scenario where both struggle to know how to walk with a new body part. This means that both needs to learn each others' ways of walking through keeping in mind each others' habits good or bad. Learning how each lives in his/her world, thinks with it, and deals with it.
There is always that adjustment period. As to how long it will take probably depends on how much each is willing to learn. Ergo it is also a given that it can fail at any time as much as it can also succeed.
Eventually, if say both are willing to take the challenge and endure the hardships, that other half metaphorically stitched in shall blend and become "you". I suppose that's how it works - conceptually speaking that is.
I think one of the very essence of love is that it requires a passion for learning and relearning. And it never ends.
I speak for myself but I believe many relationships fail because these "many" often view hardships as problems instead of challenges. Many view them as hindrances instead of opportunities to change for the better. They close their mind and consequently close their hearts.
I'm not an expert but I hope I'd share something significant.
Well, this is actually something that I have opined to and for myself within the walls of my little bathroom.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
For What It's Worth
You have no idea how excited I am to see you... no matter what may unfold after that. I LOVE YOU >:D< :-* :x and I have waited for this day to come... I am dying to see you again. I really am. No matter what happens after that...
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Live, Love, and Leave A Legacy
This philosophy. This guiding principle. This line from a book by Stephen Covey recurs in the very pits of my consciousness and sub-consciousness.
When asked more than many times about my goals, my drawing board goes back to work just to check if I'm still in my trail. And I cannot help but realize how interesting this question is to me.
For one thing, it makes my world stop and think... what have I done so far that made people smile, laugh, get inspired - especially those that I most care about. And what are the things that I haven't done yet?
Life is short they say... yet many worry too much about cholesterol, politics, U.S. economy, etc. It's not to say that I don't worry about these things. I do. But at the same time I also make an extra effort to remind myself that the world is full of people and experts that are assigned to do specific jobs for each and every one of us - and many of them do it well.
It's okay if these professionals make mistakes. We all do. It's a necessary evil. People sometimes have to fall so they will learn how to stand up better next time. We all live to get things done for everyone's benefit and for ourselves as well.
Worry less and live more.
And love? As frequent as it is said, used, and promised, is it really that simple to understand? I'm no love guru... but I think it is - unless one doesn't keep any faith.
Love can be simple yet complex... like water. Friendly yet dangerous when there's massive supply of it. I think perhaps its complexity lies in the understanding between the flesh and the soul.
Both worlds must "talk" so that a man's heart can "walk".
At the end of the day, we find ourselves old... we turned 65 and we look back. When that time comes, I hope to say to myself "I have enjoyed my life as how I wanted it. I have done a lot of wonderful and outrageous things. I have inspired people to walk the talk...".
I hope to leave a legacy by inspiring as many people as I can reach out... to as many people who are willing to listen as well. I too am human and is doing my best to lend an ear - and surprisingly it's not that easy. But this too is a challenge worth remembering at the age of 65, don't you think?
Cheers!
When asked more than many times about my goals, my drawing board goes back to work just to check if I'm still in my trail. And I cannot help but realize how interesting this question is to me.
For one thing, it makes my world stop and think... what have I done so far that made people smile, laugh, get inspired - especially those that I most care about. And what are the things that I haven't done yet?
Life is short they say... yet many worry too much about cholesterol, politics, U.S. economy, etc. It's not to say that I don't worry about these things. I do. But at the same time I also make an extra effort to remind myself that the world is full of people and experts that are assigned to do specific jobs for each and every one of us - and many of them do it well.
It's okay if these professionals make mistakes. We all do. It's a necessary evil. People sometimes have to fall so they will learn how to stand up better next time. We all live to get things done for everyone's benefit and for ourselves as well.
Worry less and live more.
And love? As frequent as it is said, used, and promised, is it really that simple to understand? I'm no love guru... but I think it is - unless one doesn't keep any faith.
Love can be simple yet complex... like water. Friendly yet dangerous when there's massive supply of it. I think perhaps its complexity lies in the understanding between the flesh and the soul.
Both worlds must "talk" so that a man's heart can "walk".
At the end of the day, we find ourselves old... we turned 65 and we look back. When that time comes, I hope to say to myself "I have enjoyed my life as how I wanted it. I have done a lot of wonderful and outrageous things. I have inspired people to walk the talk...".
I hope to leave a legacy by inspiring as many people as I can reach out... to as many people who are willing to listen as well. I too am human and is doing my best to lend an ear - and surprisingly it's not that easy. But this too is a challenge worth remembering at the age of 65, don't you think?
Cheers!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
This Is What I Think (Oct. 07, 2008)
Text message received at 9:51AM says...
Quoted from a political science professor:
"...take for example the statement 'I love you forever...' . This is false, for 'forever' is not empirically quantifiable... the appropriate statement is 'I love you today...'
"Ask him again tomorrow if he still do..." gdmwnin
And this is what I think:
In my book, such words as "forever" may be quantified not by science but by the language of the soul... the language we often refer to as L-O-V-E...
Good afternoon...
Quoted from a political science professor:
"...take for example the statement 'I love you forever...' . This is false, for 'forever' is not empirically quantifiable... the appropriate statement is 'I love you today...'
"Ask him again tomorrow if he still do..." gdmwnin
And this is what I think:
In my book, such words as "forever" may be quantified not by science but by the language of the soul... the language we often refer to as L-O-V-E...
Good afternoon...
Sunday, October 5, 2008
My heart has gotten so big...
It can blow up anytime... because she wrote me a poem on my birthday.
Dearest baby, Today, a boy was born destined to be someone special. A boy with amazing talent and drive. A boy headstrong and determined. A boy loved by family and admired by friends. A boy flawed yet human. Since then, this boy grew up to become a man. Still endowed with amazing talent and drive. Still headstrong and determined. Still loved by family and admired by friends. Still flawed yet human. Still very special. You may be grown up, but your heart will always be young. I LOVE YOU baby.
Dearest baby, Today, a boy was born destined to be someone special. A boy with amazing talent and drive. A boy headstrong and determined. A boy loved by family and admired by friends. A boy flawed yet human. Since then, this boy grew up to become a man. Still endowed with amazing talent and drive. Still headstrong and determined. Still loved by family and admired by friends. Still flawed yet human. Still very special. You may be grown up, but your heart will always be young. I LOVE YOU baby.
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