Friday, June 19, 2009

Many times more often

Many times more often we blame people for our mistakes. Even to those we love so much.

Many times more often we forget to listen to what was really being said and instead seem to insist on what we thought was right. Is it because we are simply wired uniquely brought up differently?

Many times more often men tend to "run away" when things become sensitive. They go quiet. I admittedly fall into this crack very often. Speaking as a man, this process is utterly painful.

Many times more often a woman attempts to talk to her man when things get rough - sometimes even literally follows him. At the end of the day, while the intention was to resolve issues and hopefully to get things patched up, they both end up hurting each other. At the end of the week, they end up breaking each other's hearts.

Many times more often a man gets defensive when his woman whom he loves so much start talking about her frustrations. While she craves for her feelings to be validated, her man hears her blaming him. To him, she sounded like she was unprotected and he feels that he is at fault and responsible. Sadly men often not know this and this is again painful.

A man complaining about his woman's requests, I strangely learned, is simply just a sign of love. Men go through a process of deliberately considering the how-to-accomplish-their-woman's-request against his personal need before he delivers. If a woman is persistent and patient enough, his man will oblige and he will be transformed.

While women see their men "running away", it is because he is in a process to fix things on his own. On his own and his own alone.

A man needs space. He needs it badly yet often doesn't know he does or why he does. However it is done, he needs that independence. Unfortunately many times more often, he doesn't know how to ask for it. Or even if he did, many times more often, his woman may view it differently and take it as a rejection. When a man is in a sensitive state he is also at his most vulnerable condition.

There are more misunderstandings and misconstrued signals that happen in a relationship. Many times more often we tag it as complications. Strangely as it may seem however, all the hurtful exchange was not intentional.

It has a lot to do with the people around us, our upbringing, our culture, our personal perspectives, our influences - the people that we look up to as role models. Ultimately the "complications" is simply just about our differences - not just as people but also as man and woman.

And while this is a personal responsibility to keep in mind, our human limitations tempt us to fail. Each of us need to learn how to resist it.

But there is hope.

I know there is hope because no one is to be blamed for anything and each one of us is entitled to make a good change.

We simply need to grow up and learn and grow up and relearn. Many times more often we hurt back the ones we care so much about - particularly at times when we feel hurt. The scary thing is that when this happens, we lose awareness and end up hurting the one we love... again and again and again.

Is this really just part of understanding what love is? So how can this be achieved if we keep on changing partners? How can the need to understand love be attained if we give up many times more often? How can love be understood if companionship is taken as convenience instead of whatever it is supposed to be?

I'm not being a know-it-all. In fact I'm not even close to being credible. I keep on failing and I'm never proud of it.

So why am I sharing this?

Because I am not an exception.

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